I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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