Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
