thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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