why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
not ubering you a puppy
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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