Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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