How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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