He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
