And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
