I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
