I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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