She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
