dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You can't just leave with hair like that
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
