she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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