Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
