I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
