I think I died a long time ago.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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