Jerry, you need to find god
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
