it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
