"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
worst night to have a conscience
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
