Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
