Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
