When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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