Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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