i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
