Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
