Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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