I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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