You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
