the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
