yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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