she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
