My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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