Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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