Cold hands, warm shart.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Randomize
