I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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