What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
