So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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