I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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