Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
