about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Even my vagina gasped.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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