just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hell yes lets make some ravioli
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
