apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize