I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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