how can u be prego again
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
