Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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