I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Fuck appropriateness.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize