Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
