You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
