i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I didn't notice because vodka
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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