haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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