He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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