im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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