Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
