y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
