I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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