I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
