It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
