i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
