the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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