Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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